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Loneliness

do NOT talk to me about being lonely, you have no clue of the word.  you want to talk to me about how lonely you are?  go on an island and live there for a month by yourself, then maybe you can understand half of what lonely is.  or try what happened to me. try being constantly alone for a whole summer with nothing but your thoughts and the animals for company.  try having human contact for 2 hours a night and then one day a week maybe five hours, but that doesn’t even count because they’re not even looking at you when they are there anyway.  try convincing yourself that you like being alone and succeeding. now you don’t want to go anywhere, do anything, be with anybody.  wait until you start hearing your own mind talk to you. when you forget what it’s like to be happy and just get lost in the days of melancholy until you don’t care if you go to sleep and never wake up, and when you are with people you just feel too crowded and blocked in and the voice is still there so you can’t properly focus on almost anything.   go to school and all your blinders are off, so you see everything for exactly how it is and there’s no imaginary world for you anymore.  see your friends and not be able to place anything they did to show that they deeply cared what happened to you.  realize they are completely oblivious to the ice in your eyes.  accept that you are alone in this world and there is nothing that you or anyone else can do about it.  fight every single battle you have without any help. then talk to me about being lonely.

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Diary Poem Thing

The Face

You stop
Because you know that face
From Somewhere
Deep in the recesses of your mind
Scrambled thoughts connect
Realization hits
You don’t know that face from Somewhere
You know it from Everywhere
When you closed your eyes
When it was in the room with you
Scrawled on your hand
Etched in your heart
It is not the same person
Not even close
But the same blue eyes
Blonde hair
Pale skin
Smile
You wondered why he was so appealing
Until now
Because you know this face
It broke your heart

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Daily Diary 11 (3/24/11)

Sorry i have’nt posted in a few days, its just been pretty busy.  and by that i mean that i had chores to do and nothing really major was going on until thursday (tell you in a minute).   today first though.  okay so i woke up around 9 (actually i woke up on and off since six, but oh well) finally rested. i brushed my teeth and washed my face and watched degrassi first.  then i put my hair in ringlets for no reason except to find out if my new curling iron would do it (it did but my curls fell out 😦  ).  then my dad and sister got up, my mom wasnt there cause she worked today, and watched some animal planet.  my sister left to hang with some friends, and me and my dad watched tv and veged out all day.  well thats what i did, he did the same only making a few calls. 

now to the good stuff.  on thursday i got home from school and got ready for what could have been the most important night of my freshmen life.  the hunger games premier.  i showered and put on a hunger games t-shirt, then did my hair and waited for my sister to get ready.  we picked up our friends around 930, which reminds me i met a new friend whos awesome, and got to the theater by 10.  we then proceeded to seat ourselves and wait until 12 for the movie to start.  i know, a long time to wait right? but it was worth it.  read about it in my review post.  we got home around four after dropping people off, and on friday i went to school. bleh.  so i switched between total hyper and dead zombie throughout the day, which is kind of awesome but also a living hell, and as soon as i got home, i checked my facebook, got on youtube (had to watch kingsley and jenna marbles)  and took a nap.  i then got up, welcomed my mom home from work and fed the horses, and slept again, leading me into today. i guess thats all i have.

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Daily Diary 10 (3/19/12)

its monday, monday, shit happens on mondaaaay!  lol nothing major happend, just one of my friends being weird and mean and telling the guyi like about wat she wrote on my hand (put your meat in my taco) no biggie right???? then wy am i freakin right now??? oh well, what’s done is done…anyway, i had play practice after school, then went to my BFF’S where some more stuff went down like death (not even kidding) and things like fights with her bf (also my best friend), so eventually it was all chill and stuff when my sister picked me up late and we missed curfew so my moms been on my a** all night.  URG. this day was weird, make it be over!

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Daily Diary 09 (3/18/12)

Today was another sleep-in day, which i totally needed so badly (the bags under my eyes were starting to take up too much space).  later i mostly got on the internet, and did the laundry.  and when i mean did the laundry, im serious i went to town on the two week old mess, that laundry was my bitch xp lol.  also, i had an at home spa day with mani-pedis, face steam, a luxurious make-up application and enough lotion to moisturize an elephant.  when my sister got home from her job (which she finally found after like a month of searching) we headed over to our friends bridal shower, which was tons of fun caus i got to talk to a lot of people and my sister cried and i got to make fun of her :).  then we headed home where i made burgers (undercooked them the first time…bleh).  now im debating whether to make a last ditch effort to do my homework (not likely) or not.  maybe ill just go to bed.  nightey night haha

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Daily Diary 08 (3/16/12)

sorry this is a little late, but friday wasnt really eventful. it was busy, but not particularly exciting or anything. take TGIF, and and the TG out of it, you have my friday. so yeh.  not to mention i listend to some taylor swift and got really sad for a while.  screw you taylor!  alright im don bitching lol

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Daily Diary 07 (3/15/12)

Once again today i wore my gym shorts, though Natasha didn’t make an appearance i still felt pretty good.  things were going pretty well until bio, where in the middle of taking notesi realised mother nature had a little surprise for me.  more like a (not so) monthly gift.  i had to go to the bathroom and compromise for pads. hooray for improv work!  nothing major happened today, except when one of my friends name was called down to take a test and they pronounced it ‘whore-dousch’ earning major laughs from me and my friend.  we had dance practice today after school for the musical (yay!), which is where i got one of my daily quotes from (bet you can guess which one). coming home i ate a snack, watched TV, and fed the horses before eating and taking a shower.  i did my homework (work applications, anyone?) and am presently watching project runway (austin scarlett all the way<3).  hopefully i will be able to drag myself out of bed tomorrow morning and get to school without passing out because i. am. beat.  like i feel dead :P.  by the way, have i told you guys the news?  IM GOING TO THE HUNGER GAMES PREMIER!!!!!  HOLY PETER PAN-CAKES IM SO EXCITED!!! 😀  lolz byeee

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Daily Diary 06 (3/14/12)

Delayed start day! gotta love ’em <3. yeah, so as you can see sleeping in an hour and eating breakfast (instead of starving until lunch) really ups your happiness level . i left the house and walked into a sunshiny morning (quite nice to see after months of clouds) to catch my bus. i got to school, played the (card game) war with my friend in the hallway, and was almost late to gym. today i decided to wear my gym shorts instead of sweat pants.  i’ve had my gym shorts for about a year, and they come up to the tippy top of my thighs, almost showing a little too much skin (but not as much as those shorts the volleyball players wear, i mean can you SAY spandex?) and usually i was soo self concious in them. but not today, today my alter ego (let’s call her Natasha for now) decided to make an appearance. girlofdeliz was afraid that her thighs were to big, or that the guys could see her butt. not Natasha! she came strutting out with Lacy (gym partner/friend) . she felt so sexy she could have anyone she wanted. i think it paid off, a certain senior boy couldn’t take his eyes off of us. Natasha stayed all through gym, when i took my shorts off, until lunch came around, then she backed off a bit. Natasha was still in my mind the rest of the day, and i held onto that confidence she had (i like her attitude, maybe with her around i can get a boyfriend 😉 jk….maybe). after school was practice for the musical (im in the chorus). we were doing vocals today and must i say i sounded like a dying whale? we sang, then left early. i walked with my friend to her house, and because she’s so nice she let us take the long way for a chance to see the guy i like. it took us an hour to walk home, but to no avail because he’s on the track team and you need a gps to find THEM. my mom picked me up there and i went home to ride my horse, Dusty. now im watching the new episode of Merlin and it reminds me of the grudge, now im never going to disturb ANY burial sites. signing out, and signing off. byez

*i am NOT bipolar or anything. i just call Natasha my alter ego caus i felt completely different during gym

 

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Daily Diary 05 (3/13/12)

Super happy. like super mega phenomanal happy right now, and i dont know why. i mean, today was a good day, but nothing amazing or life changing happened. just a school day with little perks like a good class discussion, remembering to pack lunch, pulling a prank that actually worked (huge accomplishment, btw) and of course noticing the guy i like notice me. afterwards some snacks at home, and a good riding lesson. you know what’s good about riding? you can always learn something. like when your riding instructor is talking to someone else and not me, i like to listen to what they’re saying. not because im nosy (okay, maybe a little) but because you can take whatever they say and apply it to you. example: when they tell someone to sit up straight, check your own posture. so now im just at home, waiting for dinner to be cooked so i can eat, feed my (fabulous) animals, take a shower go to bed, and wake up an hour late tomorrow for delayed start. PEACE OUT BITCHES 😀

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Daily Diary 03 (3/11/12)

nothing of interest really happened.  except i went to cabella’s and then applebees.  yum, gorging on appetizers.

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