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Guess Who’s Back, Back Again

I’ve decided to go back into therapy.  Of course it’s gonna take a little bit because I need to be referred by a doctor, but it’s all the same I’m going back.  I just can’t anymore.  I’m so mixed up all the time and I’m hoping therapy will help me clear my head and figure some stuff out.  Ever since I got back from the UP things started getting bad and they’re just getting worse.  I’ve been having suicidal thoughts again and almost relapsed back into cutting several times, and I can feel my abandonment issues coming back up again.  I don’t know, especially my situation with guys at the moment.  You already know about Caleb.  I don’t really think he was my soul mate anymore, just another person I loved that didn’t love me back.  Don’t get me wrong it still fucking hurts, I miss him every day, but I’m doing my best to move on.  That’s one reason I’m going to therapy again, I’ve been involved with three guys in the last three months and haven’t gotten into a relationship with any of them, which is fine, but I feel like I’m leading some of them on and the last thing I want to do is break someone’s heart again.  So yeah, that’s what I’m up to.

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