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Is Christianity Really for Me?

on October 26, 2012

as you who read this know, i’ve called myself a Christian in my past posts, but im not so sure anymore.  i have a big problem with Christians, and Christianity as a whole.  all my life i’ve been told been by my parents and the church i used to go to that we should love people, all people, no matter what. but that’s not at all what i’ve seen from any Christians i’ve seen.  whenever i meet someone who is strong in faith, all they want to talk about is God and all that He has done.  and whenever i talk about other things, such as music or people in other countries and on occasion homosexuals and their opinion on the sort, all i ever hear is no no no bad bad bad.  they can’t seem to accept or tolerate anything that they don’t understand or isn’t taught by the Church.  in fact i will always remember the day my Pastor went on a rant about homosexuals that lasted for twenty minutes, and it absolutely horrified me.  his words were so full of hate and disgust, talking about how sinful and wrong they were.  what happened to love? what happened to compassion and understanding and forgiveness?  isn’t that what Christianity is about???  Christ didn’t teach us to hate people and judge them, did he not say that “He who is without sin is to cast the first stone” ?  now nearly everyone that’s associated with Christianity is the first to judge, and bully people.  we all sin, so what gives you the right to judge other’s on their sins?  all sins are the same in God’s eyes.  God loves all his children. period, end of story, no matter what.

as long as we’re talking about God, let me bring up the biggest problem i have with Christianity.  it is taught to believe in God, and pray to God and you will get answers.  well if you read this blog you know i’ve been through a lot as of late, and over the summer i looked to God constantly for advice. any sign that he was listening to me and cared what was going on.  you know what i heard? Silence, absolutely nothing. and not just silence but it felt like he was ignoring me on purpose, like i was getting the biggest cold shoulder in the universe.  at the time when i needed God most, he abandoned me just like everyone else did. maybe he was punishing me for something  i did, but i really feel like i can’t depend on anyone or anything that does that to people.  if i asked Christians thought they’d say that it was all in His plan, and that he was actually carrying me through that.  no he wasn’t.  if anything God was pushing me away and casting me out.  i screamed at the sky and begged with tears streaming down my face for anything that showed he was listening to me, and i got what the hunter shot at and missed.  jack shit.  right now i still believe in God and that he made the world and all that, but everything else is just this big blurry line, that smears until i barely know my own name.


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