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they dont you cant you see they cant

on October 15, 2012

they dont get it. they hav never felt how you feel so they write you off. look at you with judgment and scorn.  they cant see that inside you’re screaming and they cant see you CANT BREATHE.  they dont know that you lie awake at night wondering how long u have until u snap.  because you can see the bomb on your chest.  the timer attached to it counts down ticktickticktockticktock until it hits zero, when it will happen. you will lose control and fall off the cliff completely, never to return. you will do something so drastic that they have no choice but to put you in a psych ward.  they cant see the thoughts spinning in your head, or feel the panic of realising you’re going to fast you’re about to crash but you can’t stop so you just hold on and dig your nails in and pray it stops soon. they dont look past your mask and see the pain you hold deep inside because you’re frightened and worried and angry and calm and FREAKING OUT all at the same time.  they do not touch you, so they cannot feel you shaking from trying to hold it all in until you eventually explode.  the only one who holds your hand is the only one who can stop it.  they see who holds your hand but not how scared you are that you will rely on them and then it will all just go downhill and you’ll be left with nothing but more memories which turn into thoughts that stab you over and over.  and when he’s gone you will have to deal without on your own again only YOU CAN’T because you relied on him for so long.  you’ll finally give in and fall off the edge of the cliff. this is when it hits zero. this is when they will finally see.

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